Hey fancy girl… Yeah you with the over-sized sunglasses trying to look like Paris Hilton walking out of central booking after a cocaine bust. Your mom rocked that shit first. That lovely lady who wiped your ass and listened to you cry when Bobby Shitdick took that hoe bag Brenda Cheerleader to prom knew it was better to hide those “fuck me” eyes behind 4 inches of smoked lenses because she’s too classy to get caught with locked-in lady-looks at your dad’s hang down. Sunglasses weren’t an accessory your mom rocked so she could attract some creepy old bastard with night vision on his camcorder…. Your mom actually needed to keep the sun out when heading outside after a 36 hour bender filled with good booze, better music, and enough corduroy dry-humping to start a forest fire. So remember ladies, the next time you step out on the town to hit up Pinkberry and get in your 10 minutes of cardio, remember your mom rocked that shit first long before your 6lbs and 7 ounces popped out of her mom pocket (making in the 4th largest object to pass through that canal).
Archive for May, 2011